I decided to wash my drapes and when I looked behind the couch and the drapes I found a ton of these bugs. I'm freaking out that I might have a tick infestation.
What are these bugs? Can they climb out of my vacuum cleaner?
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They are definitely not ticks, those are way smaller and flat. These look much bigger, especially compared to the window. I cannot see it clearly, but my first guess would be that it's a vine weevil. Some bigger photos and infos about your whereabouts (continent, country, latitute etc) would narrow the results down.
Not ticks, not carpet beetles and definitely not stink bugs - the body shape is completely wrong, unless the photos are wildly inaccurate, and stink bugs would be significantly bigger. The 'snout' in the first photo does indeed suggest a weevil of some kind, or some related type of snout beetle. I would guess that you have a potted plant of some kind in your living room, possibly recently bought, and the adult beetles (whose larvae were feeding on it) are just attracted to the light of the window behind the curtains.
What kind of beetle, though, I cannot even guess; there are lots of snout beetles!
It is difficult to tell based on those photos, but based on the photos and your description, I suspect these are common carpet beetles. These are small 2-4mm beetles who grow from larvae that eat certain fabrics. They are usually found around undisturbed fabrics such as an idle guest bed or unused curtains.